Showing posts with label Liz Lemon. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Liz Lemon. Show all posts

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

These Lights Will Inspire You

Sunday was a whirlwind worthy of Oz proportions, except my train didn’t do anything as epic as kill an evil witch or gift me magical shoes.

My train left at 4 a.m., so I was downtown at the train station before 3:30. Lucky I was, because the train was early. I checked my bags, said farewell to my mother, and hopped on a train of unconscious people. I was the only person who didn’t immediately fall asleep. It might have had to do with the fact that they sat me beside a surly stranger who waved her Internet access in my face before also passing out.

I finally got bored enough to go spend a ridiculous amount of money on breakfast in the dining car, where again, I was seated with strangers who seemed to think I was infringing upon the luxuries granted them as royalty coach passengers. They seemed disturbed that I didn’t enjoy my half cooked eggs and bland grits. They also kept speaking Spanish when they didn’t want me to eavesdrop. I insultingly dubbed them as Nikki and Paulo, though the scene was more out of a certain train-themed Sex and the City episode than any from Lost.

I passed out as soon as I got back to my seat. Of course, this is when my surly neighbor decided she needed to wake up and go to the bathroom. I would have punched her if she wasn’t obviously bigger, stronger, and sassier than I.

The hours went by quickly as I came in and out of sleep and my seatmate decided to lighten up. After all, she was playing “Thriller“ on a loop on her iPod. I knew she couldn’t have been terrible.

I stretched out after she departed and slept soundly until the announcement for Newark, NJ shot me out of my sleep. I looked out the window and saw the Manhattan skyline. I had 15 minutes to make pillow lines disappear and to quell a panic attack.

We rolled into the far-less-spectacular-than-the-original Penn Station where I had to ask a police officer where in the hell I could find my luggage. He was obviously insulted I’d interrupted his staring at a clipboard. I should have realized the man had more important and pressing priorities like standing than pointing behind his head.

Next thing I knew, I was all bagged up, emerging on the streets of New York City. I had to force my head not to look up, but man, my peripheral was having a visual feast.

On my way to the subway stop in front of Macy’s, not only did I successfully disperse a man asking me if I needed a job, but I steamrolled over half of the people walking around me. A cute Japanese woman saw a dollar fall from my pocket and gave it back to me. NYC and me were pretty much instantly vibing. P.S. I had no idea where I needed to go to catch my train, but went instinctively to the right spot. Suck on that, nerds.

I knew my Liz Lemon would come out from hiding eventually, and the subway station is where I found her. I held up the line at the ticket station, but hey, at least the chick behind me seemed just as clueless. I then had to figure out a way to slide my Metrocard, while squeezing myself and three bags through a turnstile about the width of Calista Flockhart. I ended up getting through with two while the other one cried out to me from the other side. I reached back and shoved it underneath with a bit of ungraceful wrestling. I ran down the stairs to see what I hoped was my train about to leave. I threw my body and bags in with such a strong force that I startled the little lads I sat beside.

I enjoyed having 20 minutes to sit on the subway, but as soon as I reached Astoria, I was stuck at another turnstile. This time I got stuck in between two metal bars with an impending group of people rushing up behind me. I finally kicked my suitcase through and kind of jumped out of the anorexic mechanism. If nothing else, I am now a subway ninja.

My friend Stephanie came to meet me & whisked me off to her charming little apartment and neighborhood. We walked to a coffee house dubbed Waltz Astoria where she played in a Japanese relief concert. I sat on my ass, stuffing myself with both food and drink. Sidenote: donate to Japan if you haven’t already. There are a million ways to do so. Use Google. That’s what it’s there for.

We came back home, me wanting to take a nap and Stephanie wanting to finish Half-Blood Prince. I ended up sleeping until 3:30 a.m. Oops. Now I’m listening to the strange noises the Greek family upstairs is making while I attempt to tire myself enough to sleep again.

This covers the first gonna of my mecca to the Big Apple, but I’ve got 6 more days of gonnas to knock out of the park before my mission is complete.

Saturday, April 2, 2011

Swollen Tongues and Benedryl Naps

It was a wild ride. And no, I'm not talking about an amusement park folly, I'm talking about the glory of a CT scan.

Not only did I have to prep my innards by drinking two massive barium shakes that tasted like chalky, rancid berry Kool-Aid, but I wasn't allowed to eat for hours upon hours. I almost pulled a Liz Lemon, as my desire to flip over every table I encountered grew as my hunger did.

(Photo via: lizlemongifs.tumblr.com)

I spent the morning fighting my hunger and the urge to vomit everywhere while copy editing audio pages at USAirways magazine. I didn't plan on that, but I think that's a pretty awesome and productive gonna to add to yesterday's list.

I drove over a few buildings to get the epic CT scan after that. Aside from the fact that the machine looked like a giant formidable donut, the scan went well. That is, until they injected some kind of strange dye into my body via IV. When I got off of the platform to leave, my tongue was numb and swollen. Soon it spread to my throat, and the doctor came to check on me before the nurse finally threw me a Benedryl. I wish that it was hilarious (see Hitch), but I really just sat in a chair and had rolling panic attacks until my medicine kicked in.

The point is, allergic reaction and all, my gonna for the day was done. Luckily, I didn't plan anything else because I came home and succumbed to the Benedryl coma tugging at the back of my eyes. I imagine I probably drooled a bit and maybe even snored. It was some pretty intense shit.

Today I'm gonna: go to a babyshower and submit some resumés. Not an astounding plan, but a good one after a rough Friday.