Friday, April 13, 2012

In No Particular Order

I have to remind myself that my best entries are the honest ones. It's not that I don't know this innately and through years of professors pounding it in my head. It's not that I don't notice better feedback when I open up and get down to the nitty gritty. It's all duly noted and I wish it were easier said than done.

It's just that there's this part of me that doesn't want to let go of the privacy I find in my own head. I don't want to overwhelm people with honesty and make them think I'm this self-absorbed vagina who can't pull her head out of her ass and relate. I don't like those kinds of bitches and I think it's safe to say that most of you don't either.

At the same time, if I don't let my readers in, I'm losing out. I lose out because y'all are the best readers in the world. If I'm going to let anyone read my inner-most, wouldn't I want it to be your eyes doing so? Most of all, I lose out because I'm not honest with my writing or myself.

So welcome back in, guys. I didn't realize I'd put up this wall until I began my journey back toward creativity. It hasn't been a lengthy one yet, but it has certainly been doing its job of slapping me in the face and saying "You can't give up now, girl! Here, drink this ice water and walk with me to Connecticut!" Did I mention my creativity vision-quest spirit guide is Katharine Hepburn?

I've been pondering what my next step should be in life now that my contracted stint with a great company is over. In no particular order, here they are:
  • Med school. No, not because I've recently and sporadically begun watching House, but because I've been beaten up like a skinny kid at a fat camp by the medical system, and I'm tired of it. I have also spent far too many hours on WebMD and have too many medical dictionaries than I'd like to admit. I also self-diagnosed myself with Scarlet Fever once, so there's that.
  • Teach women in prison how to read, write, etc. I really think they get the shaft on most of their charges and they especially get the shaft when they come back out in society. The problem with the world today is that no one thinks reading is important, but if you can read, you can teach yourself to do anything. I want to give them a fresh start.
  • Start my own business. Not that anyone in their right mind would give me a loan with my lack of credit, but this seems to be the idea that I keep coming back to most. I have a blog as the basis for it, I have an outline, and within the week I'll be finishing my business plan.
  • Nab my teaching license because let's be honest, I'm lazy, and the thought of getting summers and Christmas breaks forever seems really amazing. P.S. As long as I don't have to teach... ugh, children.
  • Apply for the (very) few jobs in my field and take one (or two) that will make me happy, even if they have shit for pay and are only part time.
  • Drop everything, drag my boyfriend and pups to New York, and become a world famous actress, comedian, singer, and all-around awesome person.
Thanks for tuning in to this edition of "What's Been Keeping Me Up at Night." Stick around for more after the commercial break.


  1. Reading through this, I suddenly realized that I have no idea what your field actually is. English? Creative writing? Scuba diving? Bird navels? The only thing I have to say about med school is that if you're going to do it, make goddamn sure you want to. It's a hell of a lot of cost and stress for no good reason if you change your mind or find it's not for you. I'd suggest volunteering first to get a good grip on whether it's your bag. Best of luck, lovely! You're an all-around awesome person already, so I'm pretty keen to see what you come up with.

    1. I have my B.S. (ha!) in Journalism, minor in English. Med school is a behemoth of a choice, for sure, but I think I might be a masochist, so bring it on! ....... if my other 78 plans don't work first?

  2. I love your self-portraits. Do you even wear makeup? Gah, such pretty skin and eyes. I like your list and the fact that you even have opinions on things like literacy for prisoners and interests like diagnostic medicine. Mrs. House. I'll be starting nursing school myself this fall (if financial aid works out). I can't wait to see what will come of your insomnia-thoughts! <3

    1. Thank you, my dear! I wear makeup when I have enough energy to put it on, but I don't wear it often to give my skin a break. I never had acne in high school, then got it at age 22 inexplicably, so since my treatment for that, I try to be very kind to my facial region so it won't flare up at me again in rebellion.

      Maybe we can start a med practice one day... that alone is enough to make the prospect of years of school, hours of sleeplessness, and massive loan debt seem appealing!