Loyalty

Loyalty is one of my top priorities in life. A lot of people don't get it, especially since I was probably horrible at being loyal in high school (and most likely a touch after) because I was a teenager with a serious case of teenager brain. But loyalty is everything. Without it, you're an island floating in the middle of the sea. And not some cute little island full of natives who live in beautiful harmony, but a no one can find you because you're a magical, disappearing, time-traveling "Lost" island in the middle of fucking nowhere. Nobody wants to be the "Lost" island. Nobody. Except maybe Ben.

While my concept of loyalty is most likely the same as the world's as a whole, my expectations of how others should show it is probably where any differences lie. Those expectations seem reasonable to me, but they often leave me disappointed. But hey, no one can know what I consider an unfathomable breach of loyalty if I don't first define what I expect. Let's fix that, shall we?

1. Have my back. You can still disagree with things I do and even tell me you think I'm wrong, but that doesn't mean you have to rescind your support. Be on my side, even when I'm not there to remind you to do so.

2. Stand up for me. If you love me, like me, or even just respect me, say "Yo bro, back off" if someone is being an ass or saying ass-y things about me.

3. Be honest. I'd rather be mad at you for five minutes every time you tell me the truth than shocked and mad at you forever because you couldn't speak some facts.

4. If we're dating, don't cheat on me. You can just break up with me first. It'll suck, but it'll suck a lot less.

5. If we're friends, don't try to bone the person I love, whether we're together or apart. There's a whole world of other people to date. You can even date anyone else I've ever dated. Just don't make moves on the one I actually give a shit about.

6. Be my dog. Applicable only to members of the canine persuasion.

I'm most likely forgetting a great portion of my Loyalty List. I'll probably still find myself saying "Man, loyalty these days!" to Cooper as we cuddle on the couch. But then I'll think "Oh yeah, it's right here in my arms............................ god dammit, Coop, FLEAS?!?!"

Success

Thinking about success is what really sparred this entire project. While driving through our quaint little neighborhood, I pointed out my favorite house to my roommate. I talked about how though it wasn't much, and though I'd prefer a huge plot of land around it, it was enough. It was perfect to me. It was all I needed.

In a culture where big houses often equal success, what am I to make of my dream of a modest, yet absolutely adorable home? I never really thought about the fact that there is a societal definition of success my definition absolutely doesn't coincide with.

That's because to America, success is money, work 'til you die, bigger-is-better for things, smaller-is-beautiful for bodies, and fame is the ultimate goal. Hey, I'll stop being polite and start getting real: all of these things have appealed to me. I'm a human, and I live in the U.S. of A. But as I've grown and changed and become the person I've learned to find is myself, I have also discovered that American success ain't really my bag.

Success to me is:

Being with the people I care about. I used to think there was something wrong with me because I chose real life over my career, and like WHO DOES THAT?!?! But a successful life in my book means building my home life first, career life second, and no amount of bullshit culture pressure can make me doubtful.

A modest home on a big plot of land with animals, gardens, and the person I love. Forget cars, mansions, yachts, and private jets.

Working a job I love. My ideal job means being able to write and use all my other passions in creativity, having independence, using my hands, being surrounded by compassion, and making a difference for someone else. That means salary is secondary, and I only need just enough.

Overcoming fears that block me from doing the billions of things I long to do.

+++++

Really, that's all success is to me. Anything you could possibly ask me about success ("What about starting a family? Your TV pilot? SKYDIVING WITHOUT DYING?!") will ultimately be covered in the four clauses above.

Success to me is... simple.

Hope

I wish the inspiration for this post came from a life-altering revolution or a positive change in legislation, but sadly it comes from tragedy. Unspeakable, heartbreaking, can't-wrap-our-heads-around-it tragedy.

I guess hope means something unique to me, but hope is the one word in this project that has a truly defining element of community. We all have our own hopes, but we all together hope for safety, for a happy ending, for a light in the middle of a ghastly dark night.

Hope means coming together when people need us. Hope means helping even when there's nothing in it for us. Hope means believing doing these things and loving each other, and changing the laws, and taking care of those who have lost the most precious of things, can make a difference. Can make it okay again. Can make it better.

Hope means finding the light left on in the darkness by our neighbors, our loved ones, a total stranger. It means being there for the loved ones of the victims in today's shootings, because god knows we're going to need them to be there for us one day. And that's okay. That's how it's supposed to be. Hope is a universal community of people who set aside their vast differences to hold someone's hand.

Hope is hard to find, hard to give, but even harder to forget. Be someone's hope, and don't give up on your own. It's out there, even in the blackest abyss.

If you're struggling with how to be someone's hope or how to find your own, here's a simple list of how you can start. My friend Allison compiled it today, and I think it's beautiful. It's full of all the best kind of hope:

• Hug your family and your friends
• Offer words of love and support
• Call your parents 
• Donate blood  
• Open up conversation about mental illness  
• Donate to facilities or charities that care for the mentally ill
• Pray, send good vibes, healing light, think good thoughts, say kind words
• Do nice things for people going through hard times; bring them dinner, cut their grass, take their dog for a walk.
• Be a beacon of love

I love all of you, today and always. Please remember that.

Word-A-Post Project

As I was driving down the road yesterday, I was thinking about how sometimes maybe it's hard to find satisfaction because we don't all define even the simplest words the same way. Success to me may mean something entirely different to you. If I don't meet your expectations and you don't meet mine, maybe it's just because we've all failed to communicate.

It's no one's fault really. I mean, when's the last time you even thought about what loyalty meant to you? Not what it means to Webster, Oxford, or your friends, but what it really means to you. We don't tell each other what we need from one another because we don't even know ourselves. And if we did, we could make it be known; by shouting it, by whispering it, by simply speaking it.

I've always had a pretty solid definition of my own interpretations of important terms inside my own head, but I think this is always what I meant by making the internal external. I never understood it until now, even though I put it on a list of my fears to overcome, at least not well enough. At least not how hard it must be to define these things and how it might be even harder to share them with our connections.

So every day until Christmas, I'm going to write about words and what they mean to me. Some of them are basic but huge concepts to humanity, while others may be menial terms triggered by a run-in at the grocery store or the coffee shop. Whatever the case may be, I couldn't be more excited (or scared) to bleed on the digital page, letting everyone know exactly what this or that means to me.

If you want to join me, tag your entries with "word-a-post!"