The Extraordinary

Everyone knows I'm not afraid to publicly discuss my life on this blog o' mine, at least to some generic extent. Everyone knows I try to say, if I can help it, just what I think, feel, don't feel, feel TOO MUCH, etc. However, this blog has shielded one section of my life a little because it's the section of my life I hold most dear, most private, most beloved. I mention my relationship from time to time because it's a HUGE part of my life, but you're not going to hear, say, what we ate for and talked about at breakfast this morning or what new life moment we experienced hand-in-hand last week. Sure, I let some details out here and there because I'm proud of who I'm with and what we've done, but all those details and intimate moments? That stuff is for us. That stuff is supposed to be just for us. That's the beauty of choosing to be with one person in a world of monogamist nay-sayers, conquering them and the world in general with your silent, yet steel-strength bond. You find love in a hopeless place, or better yet, actual privacy in a social media state.

However, most outsiders think having a life just for us is slightly abnormal, if not completely weird, and most puzzling, somehow an omen of dullness and/or unhappiness. So I'm here to set the record straight once and for all, and for one time only.

I am in love with my best friend. I have been for two years. We have lived together and apart. We have fought, and we have overcome. We have always been the topic of controversy, whether justly or truthfully so, yet we have always ignored the hell out of it. We have always been deeply in laughter as much as we are deeply in love, even when it looked like things were falling apart. We have never offered explanation nor description of anything; we have always, always, always been private. We have been private from the beginning because being private means having something special no one can touch or take away from you. Being private means being truly intimate with one person, not the world as a whole. Being private means being fulfilled within your relationship, not outside of it. Being private means discovering just how deep you love the person, not the idea of them.

Lest I hear another person ask me how this or that works in a now long-distance-but-barely-distanced relationship... it just works, alright? Do you want to know why? Because we talk to each other, not everyone else. We talk about everything, even the stuff that pisses us off, because when we wake up the next morning, everything we have said was to make the other person better. Make them happy. Make them know that just because there's a measly couple of hours between us, we still care about the other person more than anyone else, without agenda. And all the stuff we talk about, and do, and say, and plan, and dream in those conversations... we keep it to ourselves.

And you know what? That might not be ordinary to you, or ordinary period. But it is something. Something even better: extraordinary.

I'll share what I want to share when I want to share it. More importantly, I'll only share what I know he doesn't mind me sharing, because you know what's most important – more important – than this blog, than your opinion, than anything? Him.

Damn if that is not the best lesson he has ever taught me, and to learn it, the best decision I have ever made.

Happy 2 years, J. I love you and I like you.

The Best Damn Year of My Life

It's absolutely stunning how much can happen in only a year's time.

On a beautiful, dewy night in May, nestled in the North Carolina mountains with a houseful of friends, I sat snuggled on a bed with a box of Kashi cereal. I have a habit of bringing a snack to parties after many instances of winding up stranded and hungry, my heart palpitating, "WHY DIDN'T YOU THINK AHEAD, DUDE?!"

He walked up and sat down beside me. I had kept most of the cereal to myself, but his hands seemed clean enough and his smile was dazzling. "Sure," I said to his request for some, "but don't bogart it."

We sat together, talking and instigating our drunker pals with fake gossip for our own entertainment. We laughed and escaped to a quieter spot when our goading got a little out of hand. We talked more about everything, including our random and similar heart troubles. I barely knew him, but felt a very easy and strong connection that made me smile well after I'd departed for the evening.

The next day we all met for lunch on the beautiful patio at our favorite dive of a pub. We sat together, chatting the same invigorating chat as the night before. I had to depart back to the lowlands, but not before exchanging numbers with the most interesting person I'd met in longer than I could remember.

I sat on the edge of my seat, waiting to see if I'd imagined the connection, if he'd actually get in touch. If we'd actually ever see each other again. He put my mind at ease with an invitation to hang out that weekend and since then, it has been a whirlwind of unparalleled laughter and love, so much love.

This is the man I now call my boyfriend, but he's so much more than that trivial label. He's my best friend, my personal comedian, my supporter, my sounding board for everything. He has filled this year with so much joy for me, even during the darkest of times.

I love knowing that I can come home to him at any time. I love that when I tell him I wrote this, he will make some deprecating comment that will make both of us laugh. I love that because of the confidence I have in our relationship, I have the courage to make this (semi) public declaration of love for a man who deserves that kind of thing.

From warm summer days by the pool, to major hatin' on kids distracting our games of putt-putt, to late nights in our state's capital, to cool fall evenings in our now-home of the Twin City, to a holiday season of firsts, to cookouts every day in the spring weather, we have grown and grown together. I can only imagine the growth that waits on the road ahead.

I could wax on about a night in August when I heard the best combination of words known to man. I could tell you about the fuzzy feelings during that October Live concert. I could tell you how it still feels amazing every time he takes care of me or stands in my corner. I could tell you about every day I have spent with J in great detail, but I won't because it would overwhelm the both of us  – you with words, me with love and so much appreciation.

After a few bumps in the romantic road, I have finally found a person who respects me enough to be honest and loyal. I finally found a man who wants to walk beside me instead of in front of me, who believes in my intelligence and my dreams. I found someone I can count on, no matter how murky and rough the waters become. I found someone who can make me laugh until I feel like I might burst, and sometimes I do with tears.

So to the man in question, thank you. Thank you, J, for being who you are. Thank you for making me feel loved and secure. Thank you for being man enough to be with me through everything. Thank you for being brave enough to stand on shaky ground once and a while. Thank you for this lovely home we have with two wild pups. Thank you for making me the best version of me I've ever been. Above all, thank you for knowing like I do that laughter is the most important part of anything in life, and ensuring that I'm doing just that, first thing in the morning.

You're pretty groovy, kid. I think I might keep you around. Happy "I met you one year ago," Eddie. Bern loves you.

Happy Anniversary to Us!

March, Then & Now:

One year ago, I decided it was time to stop pretending I was gonna do things and start to actually do them. Since then, this blog has seen me through many life events, both great and bad. It has evolved from silly to-do lists and it will continue to change as I do. (There will always be room for humor, though.)

I am thankful for the motivation that struck me on The Ides of March last year. I am unsure as to where its gone – my sneaking suspicion is it got smothered by real life – but my goal is to get it back. It carried me through a solo trip to my dream city, a new love, a new job, multiple moving woes, another new job, finding a home, changing friends, new furry children, a wedding, an even newer job, the last year on Earth, a healthy lifestyle change, and finally, another limbotic phase, the kind that brought me to form this blog in the first place.

I am just as thankful for the things this blog itself has brought me: new friends, the world's best audience, and peace of mind – even if no one reads about how pissed off I am at a wanna-be politician or how upset SOPA makes me, it's soothing to have a platform.

While I have technical goals for my blog in its sophomore year, my main concern is reinvigorating my creativity for everyone's sake. I want that starry-eyed wonder I had a year ago to return, never forgetting the harsh realities learned this year, but letting go of the anger and fear those not-so-shiny moments spawned.

This year so far has been about change for the better. I only have the same hopes for this blog. It might be a long, complicated process, but with a little work on my will power muscle, it can all only go up from here.

Thanks to all my readers supporters. I couldn't keep writing without knowing someone out there cares. You are champions.

Special thanks to:
My mom, for supporting/helping create so many of the ideas behind and in this blog. The rest of my family, for keeping up the ratings when no one else does. My friends, for being good sports about being blog fodder. My love, for actually laughing at my videos. My teachers, for teaching me all I know about writing and its technicalities. Those who made this year full of hard lessons, for teaching me that some people and situations just suck, but also reminding me that their suckage is not my problem or a reason to hold on to anger. And again, my readers, for being interested in the mind of a weird girl who uses too much profanity, thinks she's funnier than she is, and who loves all of you more than you'll ever know!