2012 Resolutions: A Recap

On the morning of New Years Day, J and I sat down and made some resolutions. I'm a person who forgets absolutely everything if I don't have it written down, so a list was a natural step in the process. As I'd never really seriously given weight to making resolutions until 2012, I thought it'd be a fun (and scary) project to see if I actually stuck to them. Here goes nothin'...

2012 Resolutions

1. Healthy lifestyle

While my healthier eating habits have slacked of late because of too little money in my bank account, I can proudly say that for the most part of 2012, I lived a healthier lifestyle than I have in years. I have worked out more consistently, been more aware of my diet, taken vitamins regularly, and lost 20 pounds. I gained back the extra five lost after my stint in the hospital by choice, and I finally have a grasp on what is important to me, body, mind, and health-wise.

Resolution status: complete.

2. Be more efficient

Efficiency and I will be at odds for many years to come, but I made great strides this year – thanks in part to my resolution partner, and then of my own volition after enough schooling. I have a long way to go, but my belongings have been cut in half, those still around are more organized, and I finally see shortcuts for making life easier that I wouldn't have prior to making this resolution. (It helps when you have someone willing to call you on your inefficiency as well! Ha.)

Resolution status: complete, but will make another appearance on the list this year.

3. Stop procrastinating

This is another one of those things I consistently battle with. While I've made improvements with the help of lists, friends, and even an occasional moment of self-motivation, I still have days upon days of utter procrastination.

Resolution status: touched upon, but will make another appearance on the list this year.

4. Overcome fears

YEP. Yup. Yes. Uh-huh. I found it in me to buck up to anesthesia twice, and though the prospect of being put under still doesn't sit well with me, it no longer looms over me with a gloomy weight. I've started singing in front of a small group of people again. I've exercised through scary moments due to my heart issues, knowing it would make it better in the end. I've taken up caffeine again in small amounts for the same reason. There are more fears to overcome, but I can feel my confidence in defeating them growing inside me everyday.

Resolution status: complete, but I will overcome more in 2013.

5. Accomplish a big goal

I had to think about this for a while because I really didn't feel like I'd accomplished something grand this year. Everything got increasingly hard as the year went on and tragedy and heartbreak hit both close and far from home. I felt bogged down by the weight of the bad things, only to finally be saved by remembering the good. Remembering that I'd done something daring and big and maybe a bit crazy...

This year, I let go of a job that made me feel mentally battered in every possible way to focus on myself and what I really wanted. And guess what? It worked. I truly know what I want from life and how to get there. The not knowing had spilled over into all the other parts of my life, the more important parts. Now that I have direction, drive, and excitement, I feel like I can truly give myself to those other fantastic parts of life all the way. Now the only problem is waiting for life to catch up.

Resolution status: complete. Here I come, Masters degree!

This is my last post of 2012. I'm wishing everyone a happy 2013, and I hope y'all have great NYE fun! Most of all, I hope you have the faith I do that we can all make this next year better for ourselves and each other.

I'm hopeful for the happy ending. I'm crossing my fingers, universe. Are you listening?

Happy Birthday, Baby!

John Clayton Mayer, love of my life, you are the ripe age of 35 today. Well, yesterday, but I wrote this in my brain well before the clock struck midnight.

Not only are you a fox, like a "I'd let my head hit the bed withOUT your hand behind it" fox, but you have gotten me through every break-up in my entire 25 years. Without fail, you have released an album that exactly coincides with the particular brand of heartbreak I'm sipping at that precise moment. You saved me from a lot of dark nights.

A lot of people don't appreciate you, but you know I always will, baby. You're not too poppy like a lot of folks tend to say, despite that really fucking weird "Say" song you put out, but we all make mistakes. You're not the bad guy people make you out to be, because if anyone actually listened to songs like "I Don't Trust Myself (With Loving You)," "My Stupid Mouth," or hell, even "Daughters," they would say "Oh, yeah, maybe that guy has some issues like we all do, but at least he's honest about them." Th'fuck's wrong with honesty?

Oh, and did I mention you play a mean guitar? CAN WE TALK ABOUT THE SHIT THAT GOES ON IN "OUT OF MY MIND?" IT IS UNPARALLELED, BABE. UNPARALLELED!

So thanks. Thanks for the mean pickin', the soulful singing. Thanks for "Room for Squares," then "Where the Light Is," then "Battle Studies," now "Born & Raised," and all the others in between. They all did, and still do, get me through the worst and the best moments of my life.

Oh, and how could I ever wish you the happiest of 35ths without mentioning the fateful night I climbed my way to your platform as you were playing "Why, Georgia?" I somehow eluded security and used the heads of two strange men as my stabilizers. I probably made sure the girls were lookin' mighty fine, and then I looked up, right into your eyes, BEGGING you to look at me. You scanned the crowd, looked into my eyes, kept moving, MY HEART WAS BROKEN, but then... then you did a damn DOUBLE-TAKE and stared at me as you sang "Everybody is just a stranger, but that's the danger in going my own way." And then you held that gaze until some floozy threw her bra at you, and we all laughed, me out of psychotic anger that my MOMENT, my time with you was gone.

That bitch. Still love you anyway, boo. THANKS FOR THE MUSIC!

On How to Deal with a Quarter-Life Crisis

If you've been wondering where I am, make sure you're following me at Southern Sheek. I've been posting there a lot to vamp up for a fundraising campaign I just launched last night! I'm trying to be proactive in making my dreams come true. All you women, who independent, throw ya hands up at meeeee...

I've also been a little... how do I put this? Ah, yes... insane. I'm bouncing off the walls with the aforementioned time management struggle, not to mention working my ass off while also trying to start my own business, all while looking like the god damn picture of perfection. Oh, and did I mention I'm turning 25 in less than 10 days?

Quarter-life crisis is a term I became familiar with around my 15th birthday. I'd been listening to that John Mayer kid a lot and when I heard him sing "Might be a quarter-life crisis" in that JAM "Why, Georgia," I thought "Damn, that's stupid. What could you possibly have wrong with your life at age 25? Must be a guy thing."

But as I've been edging closer to the line, piled on years of listening to that song, that album, that singer, I realize just how right he was. How right he is.

In that essence, I have been doing a lot of things to avoid thinking about the big 2-5, or rather, think about it in a glorious light instead of a holy-shit-I'm-old kind of flicker.

• I have decided to dye my hair for the first time in my life. That's right, my hair is straight VIRGIN, and while I'm not trying to completely change my hair identity, it would be nice to change up my look for the next quarter of life.

• I have been trying to replace everything in my immediate space. I'm not going to buy a new family or dump my boyfriend, but I do want to buy a new computer, and paint all the walls everywhere, and redecorate ALL the things, and make new stuff, and buy a totally new wardrobe, and finally get a "new" car, and...

• I have been questioning my life choices. Like "Maybe I should be a pauper, attempting to act my life away," or "Maybe I should have kids because I'm so close to death now and all of life's fun is gone." You know, the good stuff.

• I have reaffirmed my life choices. But then I remember I want to drown most kids in a bath, I am already poor so I can do whatever I want anyway, then drink a beer and watch "Steel Magnolias" while crying my makeup off.

• I have been making everyone around me question their own sanity. I can't tell you how many times J has looked around a room, searching for real life, when I've been on a diatribe about how annoying it is when girls wear sandals to float down the river. BUT REALLY, WHY AREN'T YOU WEARING TENNIS SHOES?!

• I have been sleeping really early then really late. I go to bed really early. I go to bed really late. I don't know.

• I have been hobby crazy. I am remembering my love for photography, design, crafts, video, writing, baking, etc. all at the same time. It's an avalanche pressing harder and harder on my brain as they all compete for time and space.

• I have been trying to make giant life plans. Trip back to NY? Trip down south to meet and visit friends? FINALLY take an adventure to Europe?! Buy a house? SURE, LET'S DO IT ALL RIGHT NOW!

• I have realized that my life sucks. I am 25 and have barely had a year of job experience under my belt. I don't have my own things. I don't live like a Kardashian. Life!!!!!

• I have realized my life is AWESOME. I am 25 and I have done an entire mountain of things, I have crazy cool people who love me, I have ambition and drive, a giant to-do list, and I'm on my way to greatness. Besides, I still have five more years before I have to give up that title of "20-something."

All-in-all, I've realized 25, while scary, is going to be the best yet. Ring in my quarter century at the beach with my family, good food, presents, and cocktails? Don't mind if I do.

Come home to celebrate 1-year with my lover boy? I'll take it.

SURPRISE PARTY FOR THE BIGGEST MILESTONE BDAY OF MY LIFE?!?!? There better be, bitches. There better be...