Recount

Midnight // NYE 2012/2013 // The Avett Brothers

Ah, it's that time of year again when all us bloggers recount whether or not we stuck to our guns and actually completed our resolutions. As you know, this is a blog about getting things done........ so here's hoping I haven't royally screwed up and completed, say, ZERO of my resolutions.

At the beginning of 2013, I resolved to do only slightly more than a handful of things. Here's the entry, but if you're not one to muck about in archives, here's a quick recap of the list:

1. Be a better adult.

2. Stay a better friend.

3. Have more patience and understanding.

4. Overcome MORE fears.

5. Be even more efficient.

6. Accomplish all my little goals in between without resolving to do them.

7. Just be.

Wow. Lofty goals, January 1st Rachel. Talk about setting high expectations for myself. Never one afraid to fail, I normally push further than I should. Let's see how I fared, shall we?

1. Be a better adult.

I am by no means a model adult. I may not even be a mediocre adult, but I have damn sure come a long way this year. I've learned so much about reliability, and even more, how to BE reliable. I've learned to keep running, even when I'm knee-deep in heavy Carolina clay, knowing I have to reach the other side. I've taken jobs I didn't want, left jobs I wanted to continue, and doubled-down on school and work, putting my social life lower on the list than in years past. While I've mentioned I'll always be a "family/friends first" kinda gal, I finally figured out how to maintain that moral of mine while accomplishing great things and being responsible. I even have some money! .......... for now.

2. Stay a better friend.

I am a yo-yo better friend. There are periods of time in which I have a LOT of free time to spare; others where I barely have enough time to eat and sleep, let alone make some phone calls. I could do a better job, but I think I haven't slipped TOO far back into yesteryear when I was always not such a great friend. Better to maintain than fall behind, even if I wish I could've hit this one out of the park. There's always next year when I get out of my Master's program!

3. Have more patience and understanding.

Oh, lord help all of you. Whereas I have gained so much of this in the career arena in my life, I admittedly have lost a lot of it in the personal domain. I'm sorry if I've been snippy or bitchy, perhaps spacey or annoyed, but I have poured all of my patience and understanding into over 100 kids. They need it most right now, and I am going to work very hard to squeeze some of that patience over to my loved ones in the coming year. Now that I know HOW to be patient, I have to learn how to BALANCE that patience. I have to understand others in the ways I always hope they understand me! But hey, I hope my students can at least attest to the fact that I almost never lose my temper. And when I do, they know weird things like town hall meetings will occur.

4. Overcome MORE fears.

Thanks to my newest project, 26 Gonnas for 26, I have definitely been visiting this resolution time and time again in 2013. I've sung publicly at karaoke bars; I've gotten back into modeling and ENJOYED IT; I've publicly and privately let go of toxic relationships. There have been a lot of fears I've conquered that aren't even on the 26 for 26, which brings me to...

6. Accomplish all my little goals in between without resolving to do them.

Yeah, I know. I skipped 5, but we'll get to that'n. Six and four pair well together like a good cheese and a fine wine, ya heard? There were so many moments this year that I found left me feeling so bold, so brave, and so utterly proud of myself. Overcoming fears, some of which I didn't even know I had, was a lot easier in 2013 than in the past. Maybe it's because I was so successful at resolution number one, but pushing forward into the unknown was just not as horrifying in '13. I'm not saying it wasn't sweat inducing to call my favorite co-workers ever to tell them I was offered a new job, and I'm not saying it wasn't horrifying to meet, learn, and teach over 100 strangers in the middle of the school year... but I am saying that it was exponentially less disastrous than it would have been a year ago. And you know what? I found out I'm a lot BETTER at most of the things I'm scared of than some of the things I feel "safe" doing. What's more is I didn't feel the urge to tell anyone about these things (well, until now). I didn't feel like I had to make a list, at least not publicly. I didn't feel like I needed to have support to overcome my fear, something that is altogether new for me. While there are still some giant hurdles like flying and singing in public without a cheesy backup machine that WILL require a little hand-holding, learning to go solo into fear this year is what got me over the need to publicly resolve to accomplish every tiny morsel my brain cooked up.

5. Be even more efficient.

Welcome back, five! You tie into resolution one pretty well, sir. While I believe there's always room for improvement when talking efficiency, I truly figured out and utilized it this year. If you remember, I started to see some vague progress in this field when I resolved to be efficient in 2012. This year, though, I really FOUND efficiency like it was the god damn Lost island I'd been screaming about returning to. (Lost reference anyone? Anyone?) I am much more organized than I was a year ago. I even have plans for further organization, some I utilized earlier this very week. I used to shy away from changing my methods for better ones for fear they'd be worse; now I trust my instinct and know the HUGE list I have for improvements will all work out, and they will all be better, 100 fold.

7. Just be.
Herein lies the crux: how can I just be if I always see so many things I must resolve to make better? Is it possible? Or must the two forever be at odds? I like to think I've just been a little more than I was in 2012. That's not to say it has been a meditative, peaceful-as-fuck kind of year. Actually, it was pretty hectic... but there are some things this year I have let go of that I wouldn't have DREAMED of getting past 365 days ago. It's hard, being forever anxious (medically), finding out how to just be. And even though I didn't complete this goal, I'm happy to say that over the past three weeks, things have been falling out of the sky and into my lap in regards to what I need to finally, truly just be. I've been finding answers to questions I've had for a long time, and I've been finding inspiration, reinforcement, and even new standards for myself I will not budge on... ever. And that, ladies and gents, is what I believe the first step to just being is: being yourself.

I'll be back after the first of the year, hopefully with amazing tales of New Year's festivities, a list of resolutions, and... drumroll... big news about the blog and its future.

Have a magical transition from 2013 to 2014! I'll see you on the other side ;)

I'm Ready, 2013

I spent my last hours of 2012 singing and dancing in a coliseum with a bunch of old work buddies. The Avett Brothers were rocking hard then singing sweetly, and they counted down the welcoming of the new year with the thousands of us that came to see them. Balloons and confetti and voices reigned down, and with them, the promise of a new year. The promise of a better year after a really tough one.

And you know what? Maybe it's just because we're all so damn determined to make it feel better this time around, but so far, 2013 really has been full of greatness. It's been chocked full of hope and niceness. I've seen people remembering what manners are and doing pleasant things for one another. I've seen a renewed sparkle in everyone's eyes, a kind of hop in everyone's step. And I'm really hoping that if we all hope and try hard enough, we can keep it this way for the year and many more years to come.

So without further ado, here are my resolutions for the year. They are simple and complex simultaneously, and only because I have such a sharp picture in my mind am I able to make them so short-n'-sweet.

Not only am I blessed with a resolution partner again, but a NETWORK of partners who are all resolved to grow and learn and live better from here on out. Honestly, this community growing closer, these friends and lovers and families and everything in-between, is the thing I'm most excited about for 2013.

Let's do this, y'all.

2012 Resolutions: A Recap

On the morning of New Years Day, J and I sat down and made some resolutions. I'm a person who forgets absolutely everything if I don't have it written down, so a list was a natural step in the process. As I'd never really seriously given weight to making resolutions until 2012, I thought it'd be a fun (and scary) project to see if I actually stuck to them. Here goes nothin'...

2012 Resolutions

1. Healthy lifestyle

While my healthier eating habits have slacked of late because of too little money in my bank account, I can proudly say that for the most part of 2012, I lived a healthier lifestyle than I have in years. I have worked out more consistently, been more aware of my diet, taken vitamins regularly, and lost 20 pounds. I gained back the extra five lost after my stint in the hospital by choice, and I finally have a grasp on what is important to me, body, mind, and health-wise.

Resolution status: complete.

2. Be more efficient

Efficiency and I will be at odds for many years to come, but I made great strides this year – thanks in part to my resolution partner, and then of my own volition after enough schooling. I have a long way to go, but my belongings have been cut in half, those still around are more organized, and I finally see shortcuts for making life easier that I wouldn't have prior to making this resolution. (It helps when you have someone willing to call you on your inefficiency as well! Ha.)

Resolution status: complete, but will make another appearance on the list this year.

3. Stop procrastinating

This is another one of those things I consistently battle with. While I've made improvements with the help of lists, friends, and even an occasional moment of self-motivation, I still have days upon days of utter procrastination.

Resolution status: touched upon, but will make another appearance on the list this year.

4. Overcome fears

YEP. Yup. Yes. Uh-huh. I found it in me to buck up to anesthesia twice, and though the prospect of being put under still doesn't sit well with me, it no longer looms over me with a gloomy weight. I've started singing in front of a small group of people again. I've exercised through scary moments due to my heart issues, knowing it would make it better in the end. I've taken up caffeine again in small amounts for the same reason. There are more fears to overcome, but I can feel my confidence in defeating them growing inside me everyday.

Resolution status: complete, but I will overcome more in 2013.

5. Accomplish a big goal

I had to think about this for a while because I really didn't feel like I'd accomplished something grand this year. Everything got increasingly hard as the year went on and tragedy and heartbreak hit both close and far from home. I felt bogged down by the weight of the bad things, only to finally be saved by remembering the good. Remembering that I'd done something daring and big and maybe a bit crazy...

This year, I let go of a job that made me feel mentally battered in every possible way to focus on myself and what I really wanted. And guess what? It worked. I truly know what I want from life and how to get there. The not knowing had spilled over into all the other parts of my life, the more important parts. Now that I have direction, drive, and excitement, I feel like I can truly give myself to those other fantastic parts of life all the way. Now the only problem is waiting for life to catch up.

Resolution status: complete. Here I come, Masters degree!

This is my last post of 2012. I'm wishing everyone a happy 2013, and I hope y'all have great NYE fun! Most of all, I hope you have the faith I do that we can all make this next year better for ourselves and each other.

I'm hopeful for the happy ending. I'm crossing my fingers, universe. Are you listening?

Resolutions

On the first day of 2012, J and I woke up incredibly early, unzipped our tent, and looked onto a beautiful sunrise. We were nicely lazy, had some mimosas, and later cooked the traditional southern foods for good luck. But most of all, we talked about our resolutions with a real fervor. It was honestly the best start to a brand new year I've ever had, and I'm determined for that feeling to be the bookmark of 2012.

While we were naming and numbering our resolutions, he suggested that we write them down on a piece of poster board. It took me a couple of days, but I drew up a nice little list that we can put up to remind us of the things we're gonna do this year.

You can see the gonnas made it a la the overcoming fears resolution. While I feel like I'm in the process of kicking off the other four resolutions before and after it, I'm afraid I'm a little stuck on that pesky (and very important) number four.

See, I just can't force myself to call the dentist. I keep prolonging the process by double, triple, QUADRUPLE checking the list I have, making sure that I'm solid in my choice of dentist. I keep saying "Oh, I'm DEFINITELY going with that one for sure," only to reneg when I start feeling anxious about what comes AFTER I make the appointment. I really just need to shake the shit out of myself, "Spaced" style.

I NEED to go to the dentist to feel better. I NEED to stop worrying about things that might not even happen. I NEED to have that awesome post-teeth cleaning feeling in my mouth. I NEED to call one of these dentists before the end of this week, or else I'm gonna need an intervention... or ya know, just get J to put the phone in my hand and make me call.

I promise to have some uplifting/funny entries this week while I'm trying to get this stuff done. I'll be back Friday to let you know if I made progress on this latest gonna!